disconnected

sometimes i think i am dying. that im gonna go to sleep and never wake up. i'm terrified and full of guilt everytime i feel this way. not suicide, i just...won't... wake.
i'm terrified that it will happen, and that pete will freak, thinking he didn't show me enough love; that luny will freak, because she's cut me out; that phoenix will freak cuz she's 11...

why do i keep think i am going to die? its not every night, or even all the time. but its really bad right now. its choking me, pretty literally

can i blame my meds?