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Getting Off: a pornified life
the title of the book is actually "Getting Off: Pornography and the end of masculinity" its by robert jensen.
before i talk about the book, i have to tell about thursday night. i was at Pete's (and soon to be *MY* place) where JT also lives. we were playing "Anita Blake", which is set up in a very Amberesque sorta way, only not even stats. just stuff that is, and is not. and of course, we are playing "ourselves". then Keith comes over, we stop gaming, JT starts making "women are stupid jokes".
so i make "men are stupid" jokes. i'm pretty sure i win this unspoken contest, because after a couple of volleys he just shuts up and concentrates on his video game.
I, a person with tits and a vagina, beat a guy in a pseudo-intellectual competition. and wasn't beaten for it.
that is the anomaly.
seriously. there are stats everywhere, if one wants to look, about how many women are raped, assaulted, insulted, beaten, molested, abused, neglegted... the MOST CONSERVATIVE i have seen is 1 in 5. 20%. in THE UNITED STATES. not saudi arabia or pakistan or chile or rwanda....
a first world country. arguably THE first world country, at least for a while there.
there are always jokes about women, generally revolving around the fact that, to our sorrow, "we have all the pussy".
as much as i like sex, i would GIVE UP my "pussy", if only it would stop. if i didn't have to fight for the same basic respect that guys are automatically given. if i could re-take the Politics of Russia class, and NOT have to literally YELL to be heard, because i was the only one in the class with tits. if i could walk down an alley at night alone without fearing a random madman will decide that i'm rapeable. if i could never ever ever again hear that i should wear lipstick so guys will like me more.
it's a trap; it all is. Britney Spears and her cohorts are only the most obvious example of our "Porn Culture". MICHAEL JACKSON didn't have to dress like a trollup to sell records when he was 16. because he was born with a penis (wherever he has lost it since...) Boys fuck. girls are fucked. Pete and i go on a date, he takes 10 minutes changing his clothes. he has to wear: pants, shirt and shoes. granted, nicer than normal (at least, if he were dating someone who wasn't me, the only time i cared what he wore was for my sister's wedding). on a normal date, if i wasn't me, what would i wear? a skirt, and hose, and high heels, and a dressy top. and makeup. lots of it, and jewlery, and hair accessorys. it takes Pete 10 minutes to dress up - it would take me over an hour.
and lets ignore the fact that if i had a "white collar job" i would have to do that EVERY DAY. i HAVE had jobs where i had to do that - the makeup was MANDATED. in an OFFICE.
but this book isn't about that. it dwells specifically on the social and specific ills that can be fostered by pornography. and its a good book, attacking the porn without attacking sex, or sexuality, or the expression of sex. it attacks the specific emotions that are used by porn (mostly cruelty and violence, misogyny, hatred, fear), and attacks the base of those emotions: the concept of masculinity.
seriously. why does *ME* having a good job make some random dude less of a MAN. how does *ME* controling my own fucking uterus? *ME* marrying someone i like? or not marrying? or not wearing lipstick - or wearing lipstick?
why does every guy i know (and really, it IS every guy i know that i have talked to about girls) express something that resembles the Madonna-Whore complex? some girls are good enough to fuck, but not to date, to love, to marry? if they aren't good enouogh to date and etc., then WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU PUT YOUR DICK IN HER?
because it's "just sex". or, as an ex once said "sex is like pizza; even bad its ok"
that doesn't make it right. random sex between friends is one thing, if everyone knows the score and its mutually agreed upon. having sex with a stranger (because she was drunk! and there! and i wanted to fuck! who cares what she says now!)? fuck that. fuck YOU. that's a PERSON, even if you think she's the biggest whore on the planet, she is STILL a PERSON. equal, in every conceivable way, in every conceivable agency, to you. so she has tits instead of a penis. how does that make hr "lesser", or even "other". don't try to tell me girls are stupider than boys. a)that's not a word and b)i'm smarter than you and *I* am a girl.
really, i am. except at programming, because it's boring.
it's so dumb. get over it. in evolutionary terms, if you want smart babies, you need smart parents. PLURAL. how are you supposed to know that the woman you marry is smart and has good genes unless you TALK TO HER AND SEE THAT SHE IS SMART? and in order to fully realize intellect, one needs to be EDUCATED. and in order to TEST that intellect, one needs to WORK.
so really, the feminist movement is to MEN'S advantage.
(/rant)
before i talk about the book, i have to tell about thursday night. i was at Pete's (and soon to be *MY* place) where JT also lives. we were playing "Anita Blake", which is set up in a very Amberesque sorta way, only not even stats. just stuff that is, and is not. and of course, we are playing "ourselves". then Keith comes over, we stop gaming, JT starts making "women are stupid jokes".
so i make "men are stupid" jokes. i'm pretty sure i win this unspoken contest, because after a couple of volleys he just shuts up and concentrates on his video game.
I, a person with tits and a vagina, beat a guy in a pseudo-intellectual competition. and wasn't beaten for it.
that is the anomaly.
seriously. there are stats everywhere, if one wants to look, about how many women are raped, assaulted, insulted, beaten, molested, abused, neglegted... the MOST CONSERVATIVE i have seen is 1 in 5. 20%. in THE UNITED STATES. not saudi arabia or pakistan or chile or rwanda....
a first world country. arguably THE first world country, at least for a while there.
there are always jokes about women, generally revolving around the fact that, to our sorrow, "we have all the pussy".
as much as i like sex, i would GIVE UP my "pussy", if only it would stop. if i didn't have to fight for the same basic respect that guys are automatically given. if i could re-take the Politics of Russia class, and NOT have to literally YELL to be heard, because i was the only one in the class with tits. if i could walk down an alley at night alone without fearing a random madman will decide that i'm rapeable. if i could never ever ever again hear that i should wear lipstick so guys will like me more.
it's a trap; it all is. Britney Spears and her cohorts are only the most obvious example of our "Porn Culture". MICHAEL JACKSON didn't have to dress like a trollup to sell records when he was 16. because he was born with a penis (wherever he has lost it since...) Boys fuck. girls are fucked. Pete and i go on a date, he takes 10 minutes changing his clothes. he has to wear: pants, shirt and shoes. granted, nicer than normal (at least, if he were dating someone who wasn't me, the only time i cared what he wore was for my sister's wedding). on a normal date, if i wasn't me, what would i wear? a skirt, and hose, and high heels, and a dressy top. and makeup. lots of it, and jewlery, and hair accessorys. it takes Pete 10 minutes to dress up - it would take me over an hour.
and lets ignore the fact that if i had a "white collar job" i would have to do that EVERY DAY. i HAVE had jobs where i had to do that - the makeup was MANDATED. in an OFFICE.
but this book isn't about that. it dwells specifically on the social and specific ills that can be fostered by pornography. and its a good book, attacking the porn without attacking sex, or sexuality, or the expression of sex. it attacks the specific emotions that are used by porn (mostly cruelty and violence, misogyny, hatred, fear), and attacks the base of those emotions: the concept of masculinity.
seriously. why does *ME* having a good job make some random dude less of a MAN. how does *ME* controling my own fucking uterus? *ME* marrying someone i like? or not marrying? or not wearing lipstick - or wearing lipstick?
why does every guy i know (and really, it IS every guy i know that i have talked to about girls) express something that resembles the Madonna-Whore complex? some girls are good enough to fuck, but not to date, to love, to marry? if they aren't good enouogh to date and etc., then WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU PUT YOUR DICK IN HER?
because it's "just sex". or, as an ex once said "sex is like pizza; even bad its ok"
that doesn't make it right. random sex between friends is one thing, if everyone knows the score and its mutually agreed upon. having sex with a stranger (because she was drunk! and there! and i wanted to fuck! who cares what she says now!)? fuck that. fuck YOU. that's a PERSON, even if you think she's the biggest whore on the planet, she is STILL a PERSON. equal, in every conceivable way, in every conceivable agency, to you. so she has tits instead of a penis. how does that make hr "lesser", or even "other". don't try to tell me girls are stupider than boys. a)that's not a word and b)i'm smarter than you and *I* am a girl.
really, i am. except at programming, because it's boring.
it's so dumb. get over it. in evolutionary terms, if you want smart babies, you need smart parents. PLURAL. how are you supposed to know that the woman you marry is smart and has good genes unless you TALK TO HER AND SEE THAT SHE IS SMART? and in order to fully realize intellect, one needs to be EDUCATED. and in order to TEST that intellect, one needs to WORK.
so really, the feminist movement is to MEN'S advantage.
(/rant)
no subject
you see?
if not, it may not be something i able to articulate online, and i can try it in person :D
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but since jokes make sexists sound more sexist (though I doubt they make them more sexist) and since they don't make me and other non-sexist people more sexist, my best guess is that they have almost no effect on actual sexism.
My suggestion is to pay more attention to what people are actualy taught about women and less about jokes. I'd be interested in learning when it is that children are taught sexism. Maybe by posturing dick fathers. I was raised almost entirely by my mother who was a single mom and sort of a bitch. I never even learned that women COULD be weak, let alone that they were supposed to be.
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(the joke thing... it tips those who are not sexist or non-sexist... those who are not firmly in one camp or another. expecially children and teens)
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But I didn't know that every toy can be assigned a gender (except in french and spanish). And I'm not sure I even agree. then again, I did play with the little orphan annie mansion when I was little. Maybe there's something there.
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i had a strawberry shortcake house that i used as a time machine :D i was ALWAYS weird.
it's not a language thing (the doll, she is pretty!) its an assignment. cars are masculine, dolls are feminine. science kits are masculine, sewing kits are feminine...
who uses what, and FOR what. it's why for xmas i bought both of megan's kids the SAME THING even though they are a boy and girl. and made sure that Kaiden got some girl stuff and Lilly got some boy stuff. it helps :)