denelian: (Default)
[personal profile] denelian
a year and a half or so ago, i wrote a short story.

it is actually very dear to me.

anyway, i somehow ran across it on my computer. i haven't thought of it in a while - i wrote it for a contest (Universe magazine, published by Baen). it didn't win (as evidenced by the fact that the enitire world wasn't deafened by my screaming). i am thinking about submitting it regularly, as opposed to for a contest.

but first, i would really like some feedback from someone other than my dad. my dad fell head-over-heels for it - but it's really hard to trust that a parent ACTUALLY likes something, because (at least my parents) they tend to feel obligated to like something.

so i am looking for victi-er, volunteers. (any writers who ever look at my LJ, if you have time, i would be ESPECIALLY grateful for your input). it is just under 5,000 words (and honestly, i don't know if thats too many or too much or anything). i would prefer to NOT try and post it to LJ, for lots of reasons.
also, anyone who DOES read it, yes yes yes the first part IS incredibly important. look, just trust me as a disabled person who deals with constant chronic pain and who had 4 fucking hip surgeries over the summer and so got eight thousand tons of ACCUTE pain on top of it: the FIRST SECTION IS IMPORTANT. i would be open on suggestions to re-write it, but since every person at the Baen's Bar who read it told me to remove the first section (and the reason is apparently not because it is bad, but because talking about pain is bad. which attitude is bad - if we were able to talk about pain more than i think more things would be treated...)i am saying upfront that i would rather never have it published at all than remove the first section. that first section is... well obviously i think it is important. because this is a story about how people are overcoming their disabilities and pain. the discussion of pain, the explanation of pain, the exploration of pain, is right at the center of the story. in a very real sense, without pain there is no story.

anyway. vic-volunteers?

edit for clarification: 5 people at Baen's responded to this short story. every single one of them said something along the lines of "nice story, but the first section is depressing" AND THAT IS ALL. i got no commentary or critiquing other than "first section makes me uncomfortable". this is why i am asking for people to read and respond :)
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denelian: (Default)

September 2013

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